Seeing Things Others Don’t

I have this problem and I know it can get me into a lot of trouble. The problem, you ask? I tend to see the best in people even when they aren’t acting their best.

How’s this a problem? Lots of reasons but the one I find most difficult to deal with—people can’t understand how I see these things in others. Sometimes “people” are acquaintances but the most difficult “people” are family and friends who don’t understand what I’ve seen.

When you see something in another person but those you love cannot understand it, it hurts. You want to open their eyes and make them believe in the other person like you do. These are the times when I wish I could hand them my heart and allow them to feel what I’ve felt and experienced so they can “get it” too.

Because of my past experiences and my personality those close to me have this vicious desire to protect me. It’s sweet, flattering, and I love them even more for it BUT sometimes it can be daunting. Maybe they don’t realize I see all those negative things that they see but I also see positive things they don’t. Often times I know they don’t want to see me hurt again. But this is life—hurt and pain are inevitable. We have a choice to let those hurts cripple us or catapult us. I lived the crippled life for a while—I prefer to be catapulted. 😉

Let’s be real. No one is perfect. I know that. I get that. We all make mistakes and maybe my greatest mistake is being too trusting and expecting the best of people but I refuse to let the wrong doings of others in my life to harden my heart. I’m vulnerable for putting so much faith in the ability of others to do the right thing. I know disappointment in those people is a given but the fear of disappointment will not wash away the faith I have in them.

Can seeing the good in others leave me heartbroken and hurting? Of course but writing people off—well that is much more painful than any wound inflicted by disappointment.

Sometimes people need that one person to remind them of the positive when they’re drowning in the negative. How many times have you been down on yourself? Felt completely worthless or unwanted? Maybe you’ve never been there but I sure have and sometimes for no valid reason at all. One of life’s greatest tragedies is not being able to see yourself the way your loved ones see you.

We stare in the mirror but the glass is foggy, marred with dirt and grime. BUT it only takes one person to clean your mirror and show you the beautiful person who’s always been inside of you.

Some days it’s difficult when others can’t see what you see but that’s okay. It’s okay to have a different set of opinions. It’s okay to have a different perspective. It’s okay to go against the grain sometimes. I have to remind myself of this often. Heck it’s the reason I started typing out this blog post.

So it sounds like my problem isn’t really a problem after all. It’s a gift. No, even better—it’s a superpower! Now I just need a really cute superhero outfit. Cape optional.

Try to take a moment today and attempt to see the positive in someone else or in the least throw a compliment out there. You never know how much a few words of kindness can help someone. You might save their life and not even know it and saving a life–that makes you a superhero!

#SeeTheGood #BeASuperhero #CleanTheMirror #ShareTheLove

One of Those Days #GriefConfessions

Today was one of those days. One of those days where for no real reason the weight of grief hung heavy on my heart. Days like today are the worst because there’s no warning. At least when I hear the roar of a motorcycle or the sound of sirens or even a stereo thumping too loud (Chris used to be all about that bass—LOL!) it makes sense. But none of these events happened nor was today’s date significant–no today was one of those sneaky snake kind of days where the sadness coils around your heart before you can prepare yourself.

It’s not that I don’t think about Chris every day—I do. I remember the good, the bad, and the in between and thankfully it doesn’t gut me on a daily basis anymore but today my heart ached a little deeper. The pain of grief doesn’t get easier BUT you can learn how to handle it with time. And handling it strengthens your heart and gives you an awe-inspiring sense of confidence.

The hardest part I’ve encountered on this unwanted grief journey is learning to be kind to myself and not get so frustrated when days like today happen.

There aren’t many things in this world I despise but cemeteries—they make the cut. I hate the cemetery. It invokes nothing but pain and hurt for me. I know for others it’s a place of comfort and I fully respect that but for this girl it’s a tortuous place. I’ve been to Chris’ grave less than ten times and I’ve cried every single time. I don’t tend to stay more than five minutes when I do visit—considering my disdain for the place you can understand why. Even so, some days like today the compulsion to go there is undeniable. So I went and I cried and I prayed. A few more tears slipped out as I drove home. Then I nursed my wounds and allowed myself a few hours of self isolation while cuddling with my furry children in bed. Then I got up gave a final and went to the gym—intense sadness gone.

What amazes me is how much tending to my emotional wounds really helps. An episode like that would once put me down and out for a day but today it only lasted a few hours and I was back to laughing and feeling free again.

As I’m typing this blog post I don’t even know why I’m sharing this but my heart is telling me to so I am. That’s one thing I’ve learned to trust without wavering—my heart. It’s difficult sometimes to quell the rational part of my brain that tries to poke holes in the theories and truths of my heart. It’s even more difficult when people you trust the most can’t understand the ways of your heart what it sees in others, how it feels, what it believes. But every time I follow my heart I have no regrets.

So, I’ll stop my rambling and hopefully this post will mean something to someone. Whether it’s being kind to yourself when grieving, following your heart, or something else all together. After all, I write to heal myself and hope in the process it can help others too. I love you, dear reader. Always and Forever.