I was sitting down to do some prep for finals week when procrastination…I mean my heart 😉 spoke to me. Here it is December and my self-proclaimed year of new beginnings is coming to a close. My goal list is still sitting in my notebook filled with tasks and dates that have come and gone. Some items met and a whole lot that weren’t but for the first time in my life I truly spent time getting to know myself, discovering who I am, and polishing my shine. While my list is still nagging at me, it’s okay because 2015 was filled with (as I’m sure these last few weeks will continue to be) personal and spiritual growth.
I’ve learned so much in 2015 and in the Book of Michelle’s Life this year is one thick chapter filled with new experiences and mistakes, laughs and tears, but most of all it’s been a year of healing and growth.
If you know me, then you know I like to share things. After all knowledge is power and if you can learn something from me and my life then it gives me purpose and makes my heart happy. And who doesn’t want to have a happy heart, right?
First on the list of things I’ve learned in 2015 (and in no real specific order) is…
Embrace Your Place!
What does that mean exactly? Be happy where you are right now even if it’s not where you ultimately want to be. You’re probably thinking okay Michelle how do you do that when you hate your job or your waiting for that golden opportunity or your wishing for the right person to come into your life or whatever else it is that you so desperately want but seems to be hiding in that place called Impossible Dream Land.
First off, it’s freaking hard! I always thought when I was in my thirties I’d be happily married, cradling a little one in my arms, working to balance my titles of super mom, successful career woman, and wife of the year BUT instead I woke up to my thirties widowed, childless, and realizing I needed a change of career. Hello, reality check!
Life can really hand you a bucket of nasty at any moment BUT that doesn’t mean you have to keep holding on to that stinky bucket.
The first part of the year I spent in self-denial that I didn’t want those things only to be reminded that I still did. On top of that, open up Facebook or take a walk around the neighborhood and right in my face was everyone that has all of those things I so desperately longed for. Have you noticed when you want something so badly suddenly everyone that has it or seems to have everything you want is lit up like a blazing beacon? You become so wrapped up in self-pity with what you don’t have that you fail to see the positive things you DO have. Instead of dumping out that bucket of stank life handed you, you keep inhaling the nasty fumes.
It took me a little while to realize, “Hey I don’t have to hold this bucket of crap anymore.” I can dump it out and fill it up with something new and awesome. So I dumped the nastiness out and started rinsing out the bucket so it wouldn’t muck up the new pretty things I was going to fill it with.
I realized that while I wanted all those things desperately—companionship, my own family, my own slice of happy routine—it didn’t mean I’d never have them. It’s just not my time yet. I had to shift my thinking and embrace my place.
I started to realize the things I could easily do that others couldn’t. I’m single living in a house with two dogs and a cat. Some saw lonely, I found freedom. Freedom to dance around the house, sing off key, and sometimes eat ice cream for dinner without judgy eyes. Who am I kidding? I’ll continue to do those things when my living situation changes. LOL! But seriously, I could stay up as late as I wanted. Leave the refrigerator hang open and use my laundry room as a second closet because sometimes taking ten steps to carry my clothes to the closet just wasn’t in my schedule for the day.
I embraced the fact that I could spend more time reading only being interrupted to take the pups out. I embraced NOT turning on the TV for weeks or binge watching random Netflix shows for days if I wanted to because I didn’t answer to anyone except myself. Again no judgy eyes.
I had the freedom to travel this year. Go places I’d never been able to go to or at least a lot less frequently if I had the commitments of career and family. I went shopping and filled my closet with a new wardrobe that made me feel snazzy. I spent time building and rebuilding friendships and making time to help the people who’ve always been there for me.
And slowly with all these little steps, I came to enjoy my day to day. I learned to embrace my place. I won’t be in this spot forever so why not enjoy it until the next chapter begins? Sometimes we get stuck with the Negative Nancy channel in our heads thinking things will never change. We’ll always be this way. Always be alone. Never be happy. Blah. Blah. Blah.
Last time I checked the only ALWAYS I’ve experienced in life is change! Life is constantly changing and moving. Sometimes we need to bound and gag that Negative Nancy chick. We give her too much reign in our brain.
And remember embracing your place doesn’t mean you resign to stay there forever. You should still be planning and moving onto the next adventure just be happy where you are while you’re doing it. At least for me, embracing my place did wonders for Michelle. And here’s a secret, it helped me start moving to the place I want to be.