Control, Anxiety, and my Soapbox #MyConfessions #Feelings #GiveUpControl

I’ve been in a funk lately, my emotions have been all over the place these last few weeks AND I haven’t been able to figure out what is going on with me (over and above the obvious.) When I can’t figure something out I get really annoyed. I keep trying to dig inside my feelings box and figure out what’s happening with me, but sometimes all of those feelings get tangled up and it’s hard to figure out what the actual issue is.

I’ve been praying, mulling it over it in my mind, and talking to my peoples but finally it hit me. Last night as I was talking to a friend baffled as to why I’ve been feeling anxious and overwhelmed the answer rolled out of my mouth, “I’m trying to control my feelings. Crap. There it is!” *insert eye roll and sigh of relief/agitation*

I looked down beneath my feet at my soapbox, the one that says, “We need to feel more, control less.” Talk about feeling like a hypocrite! One of the things I feel called to help people with—the task of giving ourselves permission to feel and then actually doing it, I wasn’t even doing! This is the part where I start getting really judgy with myself but I only let that last for a few minutes, because I had to forgive myself for not taking my own medicine and then swallow that pill.

Do you know why I’m compelled to help people see how attempting to control their emotions is hurting them? Because I know what it’s like. I know how attempting to put my feelings in a box somewhere hurts me. When I try to put those feelings away, it works momentarily but then the anxiety builds because I haven’t allowed those feelings to move through me and move on.

Letting those emotions move through you isn’t easy and they often hit at the most inconvenient of times, but we still have to allow them to pass through our hearts so they don’t get stuck there. This means we have to let the not so fun emotions like sadness or loneliness pass through. Those are the two I try to fight the most. I’ve tried to pray them away but I’m thinking that’s the wrong approach. Instead of praying them away, I’m going to pray for the strength to process them and let them move through me.

I’m a positive person, but being a positive person doesn’t mean I don’t feel the darker emotions from time to time. Instead it’s finding the place of balance. It’s knowing that life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows just like it isn’t always doom and gloom. Being a positive person is about being authentic and striving to live in a place of balance. It’s living in a place of hope.

It’s being able to understand that feelings come in waves, continuously changing. We have the choice to try to put up a wall to keep the waves out (not really the best idea), to let the waves drown us (again not really the most fun), or to swim through them feeling all the motion they contain which ultimately moves us closer to shore.

I say let’s be swimmers. When we get to shore I’m going to hop back up on my soapbox and you can hop on yours, whatever important plight that may be. I’m going to allow myself to feel today. I’m going to throw my hands up as I ride the emotional roller coaster remembering that God’s in control and He’s got it covered.

Our emotions are a tool but we must feel them in order to understand how to use them. We can harness them for good, for healing, or for comfort. I firmly believe there’s always a purpose—a purpose to our pains, a purpose to our joys. But most importantly, YOU have a purpose. Let those feelings move through you so you can move others with them!

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#DontGiveUp #MyConfessions #GiveUpControl #FeelMoreControlLess

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