There is a war happening around us. We see glimpses of it, in the anger and pain that gets thrown around like little jagged blades of confetti. None of us can completely escape it unscathed.
If you know me, you know how important doing the right thing is to me. No matter what. Sometimes the right thing is a second nature reflex something as simple as saying please and thank you. Not too hard—usually. And sometimes it is doing the right thing consistently without any sight of reward. Those times doing the right thing is fiercely difficult.
I’ve battled some nasty things—loss of a spouse, suicidal thoughts, unworthiness, betrayals, and radically imbalanced emotions—just to name a few. I’ve continuously fought to keep my heart as pure as I can in this world and to not allow bitterness to take root. And just like you, I have more than enough reasons to be bitter with the wrongs done to me.
Evil is a relentless wretch. It always attacks in different ways but the objective is the same—to destroy. Evil has been following me around and knocking on my door step trying to sneak into my home and attempting to plant seeds of bitterness in my heart.
I’ve been worn down these past few months as desperate sickness attacked my loved ones (that’s plural for a reason—more than one person), the breaking of hearts and homes happening to my dear friends, and physical illness has hit me twice when I barely ever get sick. I’ve been stuck along the side of the road in a truck that is symbol for overcoming loss and then yesterday it was rear ended. My life has been a constant roller coaster of dramatically changed schedules and last minute changes. Then when I’m exhausted and weary—physically, mentally, and emotionally the attacks turn inward. Those little evil voices start ripping at the promises God has put into my heart.
I start to question, “Am I doing something wrong? Am I going down the wrong path? Did I hear you correctly, Lord? Am I not praying enough? Am I forcing my will and not yours?”
When I find myself in tears on the floor and finally all the voices in my head stop talking I can feel the answer. The best way I can explain it is this: When you are doing the right thing—truly following God’s plan for your life it settles in your spirit, in your gut. Your emotions and your logic may not be able to reconcile what is happening but your spirit can. That is exactly how it worked for me yesterday.
Has my situation changed? Not necessarily. The facts are still the same but God doesn’t deal in facts—that’s a part of our human construct. God deals in truth and so very often the real truth is unseen, your real truth most likely won’t present itself in black and white typed up in some formal document. No, your truth, your unique path God has set for you, that compass rests in your soul. When you deny your soul your connection with God and THE truth it holds you are cutting yourself off from love. God is not a god of fear and vengeance. God is LOVE. The pain of the world, the sin of this world attacks us but at the end of the day God defends us from sin and grants us comfort in His love.
What’s the point of my post today? To remind you that I don’t always have it together, my life is a complete mess right now—top to bottom and sideways, BUT I’m at peace in this chaos because I trust God. I trust him more than I did six months ago, heck even more than I did a week ago. He did not put the promises in our hearts to torture us. He put those promises and our gifts inside of us because that’s His will for us! I can’t tell you what your promise are but I know they’re in your heart and it doesn’t matter how many times that heart has been broken and shattered—it’s still there. It is still possible.
One of my promises—the one that brings me the most desperation and heartache when I allow doubt and fear to creep in is I want my family—my very own family, more than anything. God built me to be a wife and a mother. I’m working my hardest to get to them and the devil is working just as hard to keep me from them, but he isn’t going to win. He was already defeated when Jesus went to the cross for our sins. In all this madness, I can feel the peace only God can grant me. He is delivering my promises and I’m doing my best to walk towards them.
And so I leave with my favorite words, Never Give up on YOUR Always and Forever. I’m praying for your promises. If you have a moment, I’d appreciate your prayers for mine.
Love, Hugs, and Sunshine
#NeverGiveUpOnYourAlwaysAndForever #TrustHim #BeAWalkingTestimony #WeAllHaveAStory