I’ve been struggling lately. No doubt about it. You can tell when I’m struggling because I disappear a bit from social media and blogging. It’s my process and it is necessary for me to retreat inward at times. But it’s never where I’m intended to stay.
This past fall life started to get a bit tougher than the norm. My safe places kept getting knocked out and soiled. While this may not have been the intent, God brought some serious lessons out of those situations for me. And I’m very grateful for that. 🙂
Earlier this week I was talking to a friend and he brought up something that really stuck with me. Something that made me stop and seriously assess my situation. Without explaining the entire conversation (that would be a whole other blog post and well I don’t think I could fully do his words justice) here’s what he said, “The challenge for us is to strive daily to not lose the ‘saltiness’ of the revolutionary life we are called to live.”
What did that say to me? Well it made me start to question myself….
Am I working daily to pursue my passion?
Am I pursuing the life God has called me to live?
Am I pursuing my revolutionary life? And if I am, how does that life look? How would that future look?
Confession. My pursuit has been lukewarm at best and certainly lacking the serious intent my “call” requires.
These last few months, I felt myself getting lost. It’s like I stopped fanning the flames of my fire. I’ve been so busy sharing my fire with other people who need it (and that’s very important and I’m grateful I’ve been able to do that) but I haven’t been putting the fuel back into my fire to keep it going.
Side note here: It is imperative that we share our fire with others. We must extend kindness and helping hands to those in need. I know from experience that in my darkest days I needed those angels showing up with the flames—flames of life, flames of hope, and most importantly flames of love. We must share our light.
BUT we have to continue to grow our light at the same time. That can prove to be a difficult balancing act.
Recently I have fallen short in growing my light. In the moments I’ve had to myself, I’ve found myself again looking at the missing pieces of my puzzle. Getting lost in the hurt and disappointments instead of the possibilities. I’m getting distracted by my plans instead of looking towards His plan. What I should be doing is trusting The Planner NOT the plans. When I lose sight of God my hurt flares up and it shuts me down. It snuffs out my fire. Every. Single. Time.
You’d think I’d know better by now, but apparently I’m human. *insert eye roll* What an annoying AND humbling reality.
When I retreat, I stop being the person I’m called to be. The fear of pain and loss–that muscle memory is deeply rooted, and I hate it. (And I don’t hate many things.) The agony of feeling my life shredded into little pieces rises up and shuts me down. I start lying to myself, thinking I want a “normal” life. One with routine and consistency. One of those boiler plate checklist lives. Then those thoughts slowly start to suck away the vibrancy of my spirit—little by little by little. As my spirit bleeds out an IV of anxiety and sadness flushes in.
But thank God, He shows up to wake me up from these lies! He shows up in the middle of the day-to-day moments. He shows up in the faces of my friends and family. He shows up in the middle of an accounting lesson. He shows up in a much needed hug. He shows up in messages from my readers. He shows up in my reflection. He shows up again and again until I take note. Until I look and say, “Okay, God. I see you. I hear you. What’s next? What do you need me to do?”
What did He “say” to me?
It’s time to move again. It’s time to do the things I keep asking you to do. It’s time to remember who you are. You know the places you DON’T belong, let me show you where you DO belong.
Okay, Lord. I hear you.
Is that an easy thing to do? Nope. Not typically. Once I “get the message” it’s followed up with more distractions and more nastiness trying to get me off course. Sometimes it’s a fender bender or a stomach full of knots or a deep unexpected disappointment. It is every little thing trying to keep you from walking through that door with your name on it. In those moments I remember the other gifts God has given me: strength in the midst of weakness and courage in the face of fear. I remember I’m His little girl and nothing is going to change that. I reach for that door knob, chin up, shoulders back, with a stomach full of knots but I open it anyways. As soon as the door is opened there’s no going back. My future is ahead of me and not behind. (Same goes for you, peeps.)
And so, I’m starting to move. And remember (yet again) I’m being called to live this revolutionary life. You’re being called too. I’m not the only winner here. 😉
This is me in the middle of the chaos, remembering to use my gift—the gift of storytelling. Your story is not your own. Our lives are meant to be shared! And so here I am back again at the other side of the keyboard confessing to you I’ve been ignoring my gift, allowing it to get buried beneath other commitments and not making the time to use it. I’m so thankful I’ve been reminded of this. Hopefully, me and my crazy life reminds you to pursue your passion and purpose. Onward and upward, my friends! Let’s keep moving and remember to…
Never Give Up On Our Always and Forever!
#LoveHugsSunshineAndPrayers #Confessions #LiveARevolutionaryLife