There are moments in our life where we find ourselves searching for a sign, for validation, for some form of the truth. We’re looking for that pat on the back that bit of praise and positive reinforcement that we’re doing the right things with our lives, our careers, and our relationships. Sometimes we get those confirmations and they almost make us fall off our chairs. And sometimes we don’t.
I consider that to be a part of our human condition. The need for approval. The desire for direction. I’m just as human as you are. I feel that, too. I want so badly to do the right thing that sometimes I get stuck on what I think is the right thing instead of what God is showing me to be the right thing.
I can rationalize my “right thing.” In my mind I can map it out and see exactly how this will or won’t work out. (Even as I type that I’m rolling my eyes at my arrogance in those words.) I can’t always rationalize God’s “right thing.” And that makes it incredibly frightening and illogical. For a woman who seeks reason, logic, tied up with a bow that tugs at my heart strings it makes things quite difficult.
You would think by now, I would’ve have settled into the adventure that comes with not only seeking God but following His commands. He’s asked me to do things that continually stretch my comfort zone and sometimes He throws things right into my path that I can’t ignore. I’m forced to look at it. *insert eye roll* So annoying, yet so necessary.
In How I Learned to Shine Again, I document the transformation of my inward person (and eventually outward person.) Through the unraveling and processing of my grief I found my way back to Michelle and in that process I rediscovered my faith and relationship with The Man Upstairs.
Good relationships are continuously changing and growing. Jesus and I have really been on quite the adventure together. He’s always refining me, polishing my shine so to speak.
If you’ve read any of my posts, you’ll find I’m very open and honest about a lot of things happening in my life. Our story is not our own. Stories are meant to be told. Lives are meant to be shared. And somehow my confessions of life’s hardships not only help me but through God’s grace they help some of you. (This continually amazes me.)
You know I’ve been praying for my family for a long time (even as a child.) But in order to get there, I’ve had to do a lot of work on me. I’ve had to overcome many things from finding my self-worth to overcoming my distrust of men. I’m so grateful God has moved so many honorable men into my life as evidence that good, quality men exist. Those men are great blessings. (Those of you reading this know I mean you.)
My heart is finally at a place where it is truly open to this dating thing. How did I get there? By doing “crazy” things that God asked me to do, like becoming Catholic and working on my relationship with Him. Every single time I’ve tried to approach dating it’s felt wrong for a plethora of reasons. I’ve read books on dating, talked to people about it, and it lead me to one conclusion: There’s no real formula for this. There’s no procedure to follow. No “right way” to do this. Well that made my head hurt. I couldn’t figure this thing out. How do I meet people? Who do I give my precious time to? And then it hit me. Don’t do this your way. Don’t do it their way. Do this God’s way.
I’ve come to learn I have no idea what I’m doing. BUT whenever I follow my gut (which to me is where God speaks to us) it leads to wonderful things. This is tough because often times our gut doesn’t align with our feelings (stupid feelings) or our mind (over analytical meanie head.) Because of that most people will have no idea why you’re doing what you’re doing or how that’s even going to work out. People will worry about things that don’t matter distracting them from the things that do matter. You must be careful NOT to fall into your “people’s” pools of worry.
I’ve come to trust God more than myself. Each day that trust grows through prayer, scripture, worship and good friendships. With the whirlwind my life continues to be, I’ve been able to witness God working in it and through it and that has helped me to take this leap of faith. I’m determined this go around I’m not picking my men. I’m leaving that job to God. He knows me better than I know myself anyways.
How am I going to do this? Well, so far my plan includes prayer, listening to my gut, and stepping out of my control and into His flow. This is going to be a relentless process of letting go of the wheel. You know me, I’ll let you know how this all goes. 😉 Who knows maybe my journey will end up in another book or maybe it will be too embarrassing to share. Hahaha! Either way, time will tell. 🙂
This is me, never giving up on my always and forever. Remember to never give up on yours. <3
Love, Hugs, & Sunshine,
How I Learned to Shine Again can be found online at these retailers.