December has been a rough month for me, at least the first half of it was. Everything broke and when I say everything I mean everything. My truck broke down, my coffee maker broke, I had a terrible migraine that sent me to the ER, and then fuzzy brain for a week—the week before finals I might add which is the week I needed my brain to work the most. Somewhere as everything was breaking it was like my heart was breaking too. I felt lost and like I wasn’t doing the right things.
Everything was going wrong so I had to be doing something to cause it, right? Not necessarily. Sometimes things break. And in the brokenness I was boldly reminded that I am not in control. That recognition incites a momentary fear and anxiety and then I’m reminded to trust. I’m reminded that God loves me and I need to trust Him.
Even in my whining (and oh I did whine once I had enough energy to) I said, “I know God works best in the brokenness. I know that in my head I just can’t feel it in my heart right now. I’m hurting.” Somehow vocalizing that reminded me to trust and allowed me to move past the feelings.
This morning I sat with my cup of coffee in the quiet stillness of the morning. I haven’t done this in a while and I have forgotten how much I need it. I sat and watched the clouds out my window. I watched as a small circle of light burst through the gray clouds. Slowly but consistently the light continued to spread and I sat here with tears in my eyes. (This shouldn’t shock you. You know I’m a crier. LOL!) In watching the light break through the clouds I felt a comfort deep within my soul. A joy that two weeks ago I couldn’t fathom, slowly burst into my heart.
In the brokenness, God works. He works through all things but in those moments of despair He is most boldly visible to us. We can see His hands moving because ours have given up control and stopped trying to fix it ourselves.
So this morning, when I should be wrapping gifts I’m glad I sat in silence watching the clouds because I saw Jesus. I felt Jesus, and He is the reason we celebrate. He is love sent to heal the brokenness in each of our hearts. I’m so very grateful for that. And I’m also very thankful that my broken coffee pot has been replaced by TWO coffee makers. Double for my troubles. 😉
Nothing is broken beyond God’s repair. Never forget that.
Merry Christmas, friends! Remember to pause and thank God for suffering WITH you and suffering FOR you. Celebrate the birth of pure love into the world and share the gift of love that only you can give.
Love, Hugs, Sunshine, and Christmas Blessings,